Ep 24: Top 5 Regrets of the Dying with Bronnie Ware
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Top 5 Regrets of the Dying with Bronnie Ware
Episode 24: Show Notes
“I wish I hadn't worked so hard. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends” – these are some of the words Bronnie Ware realized kept coming up over and over again from those she cared for. Bronnie is today’s guest, a former palliative nurse who took these words and wrote an article in 2009 called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Little did she know, it would go viral, being viewed over 8 million times and helping to change the way that many people now think about death. Bronnie had a very interesting journey. She grew up in rural Australia, where she was the lone vegetarian in a meat-eating family. She tried the regular job thing, but it just wasn't working for her, so she quit her job and she started nomading, which how she found her way into palliative care.
One woman who gave her room and board ended up passing on, and palliative care means looking after dying patients in the last 3 to 12 weeks before their transition. As it turned out, Bronnie was a natural at helping people transition. Her goal was to treat everyone that she looked after like they were her grandmother. In the process, she observed how much people grow when faced with their own mortality and how each person experiences a variety of emotions, such as denial, and fear, and anger, and remorse, and then more denial, and then eventually, acceptance.
In this episode, Bronnie shares a bit about her personal life and background, the genesis of her palliative work and how the top five regrets came to be, what she believes people connected with from this story, and what she means when she says smile and know, among a whole host of other stories from her life and experience. Tune in today to find out more!
Key Points From This Episode:
Bronnie talks about her childhood and her favorite activity, hanging out with her dog, Priny.
How Bronnie has communicated through writing, since writing to pen pals across the world.
Why Bronnie became a vegetarian after hearing animals die on her childhood farm.
Bronnie describes about her dad’s occupation as a musician and her relationship to his work.
What Bronnie wanted to be when she grew up and how she found her way to music herself.
Turning away from a path to self-destruction through drug abuse and a career in banking.
A bookstore called The Inspiration Factory and the role it played in Bronnie’s transformation.
Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain and how it helped Bronnie realize she’s creative.
Why Bronnie lied on her CV when she was desperate for work and why she would do it again.
Bronnie’s relationship with spirituality and experiencing the passing of one client, Stella.
What Bronnie learned about regret and anguish from a client of hers named Grace.
The gratitude journal that Bronnie was keeping at the time and how it informed her book.
Bronnie believes she was such a good palliative carer because she had a lot of love to give and she wasn’t sharing it elsewhere.
How Bronnie healed herself through fasting and visualization instead of a suggested surgery.
The story of Bronnie’s first album coming out and how she was guided by trust and intuition.
Bronnie felt closely aligned with her purpose when she was honoring her creative talents.
How Bronnie came to teach songwriting for healing in a women’s prison and how it taught her to look after herself in turn.
Bronnie talks candidly about her struggle with distress, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
What people can do to support those suffering from suicidal depression, and how Bronnie found sanctuary in meditation.
Starting Inspiration and Chai, writing the top five regrets of the dying blog post, and going on to publish her first book.
What Bronnie believes it was that made people feel so connected with the top five regrets.
Why Bronnie didn’t quit when her book was rejected – she knew no other way forward.
How Bronnie defines success, and what “smile and know” means in a practical sense.
Bronnie describes the the courses she offers on her website, such as Write for Delight.
Tweetables:
“Good things take time and you can actually grow into your dreams. They're not just unattainable ideas that you have. You can achieve them, but you have to grow into them.” — Bronnie Ware [0:21:38]
“[Learning about regrets from a client] was the first time I’d seen firsthand, the pain and anguish of regrets on your deathbed and I thought, ‘I don't care how hard it's going to be to live the life that's true to my heart. It's never going to be as hard as getting to my deathbed with regrets.’ It gave me so much courage and still does, because I am not going to be in that position..” — Bronnie Ware [0:34:27]
“I was such a good carer, because I had a lot of love to give and I wasn't sharing it elsewhere. I felt safe with my patients, because, when you're at the end of your life, there's really not much time left for nonsense in conversation. All of our conversations were really deep and beautiful.” — Bronnie Ware [0:38:33]
“It's so easy to just want to fix people. I think that acceptance is probably the thing that actually was the greatest act of love that I received.” — Bronnie Ware [1:00:32]
“I found a niche where the world's consciousness was ready for it. I certainly didn't intend to. I just wrote what I knew, and that was what I knew. I think that it gave people permission to make changes, and so many positive changes in the world have been made as a result of the article and then the book, through people that have read it.” — Bronnie Ware [1:09:40]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying